The Last Of My Reasons
by WritersWayOfLife
Summary: After the events of St. Mary's...I couldn't stop thinking. Ever since Ellie and I agreed nothing could happen between us, everything we had been through together kept running through my head. Were any of us really fit to decide humanities future?


**This is a little continuation into Jesse's POV. It's set a few years after the events of One More Of Us and focuses on what Jesse thought and felt about his and Joel's actions regarding what happened at the Fireflies H.Q.**

**It also shows why he never once thought about giving Ellie up, not just for her, but for the world. As you all know he's hopelessly in love with her but, in my opinion, that wouldn't completely take over a persons mindset. **

**It's also narration that I felt was too mature for Jesse to rely during One More Of Us as he was only a little kid. It's based on a lot of the feedback I received but, again, I felt it wouldn't sound right coming from Jesse at this point because he was too young. **

**As he grows up we see the after effects of his and Joel's actions weighing down on him a little - maybe even some of the guilt Joel felt during it passing on to him as his feelings of responsibility for Ellie grow as the love he has for her never dies.**

**So enjoy an in depth look at what Jesse feels under all the teasing and optimism he tries to pass off for Ellie.**

* * *

Were any of us really fit to decide humanities future?

Fear. Guilt. Panic. These are the only things that truly connected us all.

Other than that, you could say the Infected functioned better than we did. They never attacked each other and only had one message driving them on: Infect others.

Instead of turning against their society, they built on it.

Even with a cure, what would have changed? People had resorted to hunting each other. Eating each other. Killing each other. If we weren't doing one of these things then we were mindless fungi. Nothing could have changed that.

The Hunters rejected the Government and the Government had turned their backs on the Fireflies. They were all against each other and a cure would have only forced them to try and get along in what used to be society.

And we weren't much better. Joel always taught me to shoot on site. I don't know why, I guess he had the killer instinct. It's how he survived for so long. It could be severe mental instability for all I know, after years of desperation as a survivor.

But we're all a little insane.

Some were more obvious, like Bill, or even Joel. But there were others: Marlene had insomnia and she was paranoid – her logs at the hospital told me that. I never told Joel I had found them. If there was anything that could have even possibly changed his mind about saving Ellie then I destroyed it.

I got to learn about her mother though, that was cool.

At Tommy's, Joel could finally live again. For almost seven years now I've watched Joel struggle with the guilt of Sarah's death and to keep Sarah out of his mind. I knew the stories, before the outbreak; Sarah had been Joel's whole life. The intrusion of Ellie made him doubt himself. He knew Tommy could handle her better, after all it was Tommy who saved him from the Military all those years ago.

Joel failed to protect Sarah and he was afraid history would repeat itself.

Afterwards, all he had done was to keep her out of his head.

Ellie's presence brought her back.

Not completely, I don't think Joel will ever be able to fully let that go. But here, back in a home, with his brother and his family, Joel could go back to that mindset and continue on as if nothing had happened. It was like he was reworking the memory so that Sarah survived, and yet it was like Ellie had finally replaced her.

It might not be healthy, but it was working for him.

Joel may have been ignorant to what the Fireflies wanted, but it saved him his last bit of hope.

This is a world where we look after ourselves. When people like Joel or Henry – people who had something to lose – helped someone else, it showed me that humanity was still alive. I don't see the world as something worth saving, because it doesn't need saving. It's found a way to look after itself. It will move on and continue to find new ways to survive.

Just like we will.

Our actions may have been questionable but it's how we responded to this disaster. Everything that happened was a thing of nature. It wasn't encouraged and it wasn't forced – it just happened.

Nature took its course and we, as a humanity, shouldn't have tried to control it.

That's why I'm not ashamed of why Joel and I lied to Ellie. Are we really at fault for doing what family members would do in that situation? We risked our own lives to save her. We were either the bad guys for destroying humanities future, or the hero for saving the one we loved.

We weren't heroes though. We were just human.

I don't know Joel's personal reasons. He could have done it to keep her on our side, or even to forget the whole journey ever happened.

For all I know she never believed us. She knows what Joel and I are like. But she wanted to go along with the lie because she loves us like she says she does.

My reasons? Joel isn't my dad and Ellie isn't my sister. They're two people I can't imagine going on with my life without. My morality was tested on our journey but I never found my decisions hard to make.

All we would have done was sacrificed her for a world that might not have worked.

And as Joel said, might wasn't good enough.


End file.
